‎In Nigeria, marriage is not purely a union of two individuals, it is often a union of two families, two cultural systems and two economic networks.

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‎On this relationship article, Onspotnewsng focuses on today’s reality in the advent of emerging relationship issues, it’s complexities and advert consequences that can emerge from it if care is not taking.

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‎For a relationship to work, it goes beyond love and affection. It goes beyond sex skills or even money. There are real life issues and considerations that must be properly evaluated with an objective mindset if not, the societal or religious assumed blessings that is associated with a marriage might never happen. Infact, it can turn out to be a life time regret and soberness that may never be amendable.

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‎The following are check list for partners in a relationship;

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‎✍🏿 Children in Relationship Manipulation and Childbearing Pressure

‎Common statement especially in the African context is that, ‘I am in relationship because of the children’, yet frustration and unhappiness becomes the order of the day. Sometimes, choosing self happiness is important for survival and sanity. For men, if your not happy in your marriage and your considering the children, kindly engage in social activities that help reduce BP. This is not to suggest getting side girl friend or excessive drinking, I believe productive and business social gatherings can even lead to greater achievement and focus of better future. Same applies to women as well. As long as there is no domestic violence, management, counselling and prayers might help in the long run.

The typical Nigerian syndrome is that when the is yet to be a child in marriage it is often disproportionately directed at women whereas in some cases, the man is actually the one with the problem probably issues like low sperm count. Other issues that comes up is Education expenditure stress, ‎Child gender expectations and iIn some regions, infertility can lead to polygamy or marital dissolution.

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‎✍🏿 Critically Consider Religion

‎Religion is a top 5 reason why marriages fail in Nigeria. Irrespective of the religion the partners practice, they must put into consideration if it will work especially if different religions are involved. Even if it’s the same religion especially Christians, the type of church might also be put into consideration because of difference in doctrine. Prayer life, self belief, principles and intuition is put into test in this aspect. Many marriages have suffered from this religion issues and dynamics some leading to modern slavery, unhappiness and permanent scar. Level of religious commitment, Clergy influence on decision-making and Interfaith marriage tension play central governance role in many marriages. Cross religion relationships has also become a major discovery in recent marriage problems due to conflicting way of life or value system.

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‎✍🏿Financial Pressure and Economic Instability

‎The rate of inflation in the country leading to lot of variables and unpredictable financial issues have immensely contributed to marriage problems. Lack of funds in marriage creates tension reason why this must be well discussed, prospects and plans properly ironed out.

‎Nigerian economy has been characterized with High unemployment and underemployment, rising cost of living, extended family financial obligations, Gender-based expectations (man as primary provider) has inevitably led to frequent conflict over money management, ego and identity crises (especially where the wife earns more), stress-induced emotional withdrawal, Increased separation and divorce rates in urban areas, while economic strain remains one of the most cited causes of marital breakdown. This has led many marriages to infidelity and resultant violence.

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‎✍🏿 Communication Breakdown

‎More often than due to real pressures of life, communication tends to decrease in marriages due to emotional expression, unforgiveness, grudges, mismanaged conflict resolution skills, passive-aggressive behavior, involvement of third parties instead of direct discussion while, poor communication escalates minor disagreements into major crises. Poor listening, attention to salient issued and observation has led many marriages to abrupt dissolve.

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‎✍🏿Lack of Spice, Lack of Value and Creation of Memories

‎One richard cooper argued that 90 percent of women have nothing to offer men aside from Sex in a relationship while he claimed that when you remove money from a relationship you will discover that 90 percent of women will see no reason to be in the relationship. Recent survey reveal that 90 percent of men collect their first flower in the grave. This shows the imbalance in the world of relationships and gender inequality. Perhaps the intimate question at this juncture is how do we create values in our relationships such that love is ignited constantly with a lasting memories. There are some lovely memories that even helps relationships to continue to exist due to its genuineness.

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‎✍🏿Gender Role Conflicts

‎The Union between a man and a woman has never had so called road map or template, especially in the complexities of a family setting. If the two are really now one, it shouldn’t really matter who brings higher percentage of money to the table, achieving set goals together should be the ultimate objective at all times. So what happens in contrast is that the societal assumption that the man must be the provider has led many men to early grave either working so hard without checking their health status or putting their hands into what led them to trouble. Another angle to this is that since the woman in the relationship also solely believes that is the man that should provide, the moment she is opportune to be in the better position of providing some level of ego sets in and commonly said lack of submissiveness. Reason why some arcade men still believe their wives should not earn that them due to this aforementioned issues. 21st relationships must understand that the world is revolving and gender role conflicts should be worked out amicably per- relationship- case- based. Simply, work out what woks for you and pray in whatever religion your practice together.

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‎‎‎✍🏿Infidelity

‎Extramarital affairs remain a major destabilizing factor in many relationships. Some viral statistics shows that Nigerian women tend to cheat more in relationships. The most common excuse from these women are mostly ‎Emotional neglect leading to external validation seeking. Some even get that validation through Digital infidelity via social media platforms and gym.

‎Trust erosion from infidelity often leads to prolonged relational breakdown.

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‎✍🏿Sexual Fantasy and Satisfaction

‎Many relationships have been destroyed with pornography and fantasy that there are better sexual feeling outside. This has misled many people into exploration that leads to their doom either was wastage of resources that might have helped the family or relationship, or adverse spiritual repercussions that couldn’t be recovered from easily. I tell people, show me a great man that has so much money before and not financially okay again, there will definitely be traces of womanizing and mismanagement of funds. Many people have even lost their lives in the advent of idolizing fornication and all sort of sexual indecency.

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‎The assumption and believe that once your married, blessings and better life begins might just be a cliche if the aforementioned highlights are not considered and analyzed properly with frequent checks of deviation, promote communication and growth. That is not to say love is not a beautiful thing but the complexities are far higher than it’s assumptions. We have noticed so many relationships that after marriage there is huge negative effect on either the Man or the woman. The person doing greatly fine while all of a sudden turn to a popper. People will start asking questions, what happened, is it bad luck or what?

‎The earlier mentioned root caused must be critically identified, analyze, evaluated before even children or marriage ceremony coming into the picture if not regrets become the order of the day. Some may argue that all these things can be done and life still happens, the best response is that at least you will know you tried your best.

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‎Onspotnewsng wishes all relationship out there success and peace. For counseling and story sharing, kindly DM on Whatsapp 08100089497 or send an email to [email protected].

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